The other day at a party, 3 other girls and I were playing an extremely lenient game of Kings. You know, the drunk card game. In the middle of the game, 2 other girls walk in the room and the 4 of us just stop and stare. "I hate skinny girls," was uttered by my friend. The rest of us agreed and cried on the inside. The 2 girls come up to us and want to join in the game...... Sorry there is a weight minimum to play Kings in this house..... They ask if there are some extra chairs somewhere.... Sorry we are out of chairs but there are some shot glasses over there you can turn upside down and sit on if you'd like. ....Then one of my friends (with admirable brave qualities) just straight up says, "I hate y'all. You're so skinny." The fetus girls just giggle tee hee then naturally, just like every other twig, they say "We don't try, we eat whatever we want, tee hee." OF COURSE YOU SAY THAT.
You are not more endearing because you eat more than me and blow away in the Lubbock wind.
So my friend, gotta love her, just says "Bitch." Everyone laughz.
As much as my mom raised me to love myself and taught me to have confidence, it has always been the cool thing to make fat jokes about yourself, and always turn down those once a year skinny compliments. Common phrases that I have heard in just this semester alone:
- "Look at my upper arms.... I'm going to fly to the bar tonight instead of drive."
- "I don't really know that girl, but I like her. We've both gained weight since freshman year, I feel like it bonded us."
- "Please go eat the fudge in the fridge before my thighs do."
- "I just ate a small child."
- "At first I was worried I was pregnant. Turns out I'm just fat. I can't decide which is worse."
- "Tonight I lied to my boyfriend telling him I'm eating soup. Making mac n cheese."
- "Don't let me get drunk enough to want to eat Canes tonight."
- "I just want to go to spoonful and eat my feelings."..."Okay. I'll go eat your feelings too."
Self-fat-jokes. All the cool kids are doing it. And not to sound like Dear Abby, but it really isn't healthy to be so down on ourselves all the time!!! (Not that I'm going to stop) After telling yourself your a beached whale for so long, when does the line between jokes and actual thoughts become too fuzzy? (Still going to refer to self as oversized aquatic mammals). It's not even that we are fat, or chubby, or overweight, or fluffy, in fact most of us who criticize our bodies have healthy normal weight bodies (normal college weight anyway), so why are we so harsh on ourselves? Why do we let ourselves be our own worst enemies??? RIDDLE ME THAT.
Ok I'm done being cheesy. But just a note-to-self for all you fat-talkers, remember this: when you fat trash yourself in a mild to moderately crowded setting, there is most likely going to be a bigger person than you there. And they are going to kill their selves when they go home. Just remember that.
Some other thoughts I have on this subject: Recently a kind sweet lying soul told me that guys like girls with curves. Mhm. I guess that is why 15 year olds go through body dismorphic disorder: Because they want to look like Nikki Blonsky. Because I don't know about you trannies, but she is exactly what I'm aiming for when I kill myself on the treadmill.
Camera man: "WAIT, NO! SOMEONE TELL HER SHE CAN'T EAT THAT!"
So to all my skinny frenz, I still love you. Just not as much as I would if you were fat.
To all my fat friends, I still love you. Just not as much when you eat off my plate.
To end this blog, I'd like to leave a little som'n som'n for those of you who are eating donuts at 2 in the morning while you read this. Here you are.
Oh, and I'd also like to just leave a home video from when I was little.
PeAcE, L<3vE, & CuPpPpPCaAaAkKeZzZ~'`\|/'`~*~*~~'`\|/'`<3<3~*~*~~'`\|/'`
As all of my facebook stalkers already know, I got a parking citation yesterday. Here is the story.
As I'm pulling into the Rec parking lot, I see the guy driving around putting ticket's under his victim's windshield wipers. Red flag #1. So I make sure to park somewhere that I'm positive is legal.
To rent a locker for my workout is another story. I had gone to the gym straight from work, so I just had to lock up my clothes, shoes, and purse, there's no way I could carry all of that around. In order to rent a locker, it's 50 cents. Fine, whatever, I thought, but then I discovered I didn't have any cash or quarters on me. And they happen to NOT take debit cards. This probably wasn't necessary, but I said, "Are you KIDDING ME? I have to write a CHECK for FIFTY CENTS? HA-HA-HA!" Exaggerated laughter. The girl was like "yeah" so I did and that was that but I just felt stupid.
I wrote the check all fast and sloppy. 'Cause I'm $assy.
Back to the ticket saga:
So when I get to my car after 65 minutes of cardio (It was one of those days when I haaaaad to watch the entire episode of Sex and The City, so it forced me to stay on the stair master 20 extra minutes) and I am pumped up on adrenaline. It is then that I see an in-your-face-bright-yellow freaking rectangle under my wipers. "WTF," I ponder.
So naturally, I start power walking in different directions around the parking lot, looking for the culprit, and I spot him and his stupid short truck with flashing lights, complete with a caged backseat (probably for revenge seekers like myself), and I hall the @SS back to my car.
Proceed to drive to him.
Proceed to follow him.
For a few blocks on Tech's campus.
He finally parks.
I park behind him.
I get out of my car, yellow rectangle squeezed in hand.
Anyone who knows me at all knows that I HATE confrontation, and all things serious. I like everybody I meet, and I am usually a doormat when it comes to most sticky situations (like tickets or whatever... don't get me started on strangers who want to "borrow" my typed notes in class.... ). THUS it is extremely rare for me to get mad, hate, or confront anyone with why I am mad and hate them.
Back to the story:
Ok. The first thing that is said is "Mam are you following me?"
I think to myself, No i've only been tailing you for 3 blocks because our cars are magnetic.
"YEAH, hi. I just have a quick question."
"You just issued out this ticket to me, and I believe it was for no reason. I was just wondering what it was for."
(I said something to this affect)
"First of all, I did not issue out this ticket to you."
"FIRST OF ALL, I was not parked over two hours, and I refuse to pay it."
(This was said verbatim)
"Ok mam, one moment while I look up your file"
Alot was said in the next few minutes.
Essentially, he explained to me that I do not have a "Valid Texas Tech Rec Center Parking Permit"
I'M SORRY??????????? A VALID REC TECH PARK PERMIT WHAT NOW??????? I AM A SOHPOMORE??? HOW HAVE I NOR ANY OF MY FRIENDS HEARD OF THIS???????
So I said to him, "I'm a sophomore and have been parking at the rec for two years now, how have I never heard of this? Or any of my friends for that matter?" (another borderline verbatim sentence)
He says it's not his concern as to why I've never heard of this said permit. He also questioned why I drove to the rec when I was a freshman and lived on campus, to which I thought BECAUSE TECH IS THE SECOND LARGEST CAMPUS IN THE NATION, HAVE YOU NO BRAIN?????
What's funny is I actually never drove to the rec as a freshman, but this is an adequate excuse if I had. I was all worked up at this point, details of the past matter not.
I told him he should do better advertising for permits. He was kind of confused. I was too, but whatever, it sounded good in my head.
He explained all about the permit, and by this time it's been at least 5 minutes, and it's windy and I'm cold, and I'm hungry, and I'm like whateverjustgivemethefreakingticket.
It ended by me saying "I guess I'll pay it. Thanks."
I went home and reenacted the story to my lucky roommates who will read this blog and hear this story for a second time.
The Next Day: Paying Of The Ticket
A guy my age is at the help desk, so I figure I have a chance of getting out of this still if I do a little winky winky smiley smiley at him. OH WAIT--- IT'S THURSDAY--- HENCE MY DAY OFF= HENCE I LOOK LIKE ASS. *baseball cap hiding messy hair, oversized kappa tee, baggy victoria secret sweat pants, no make up, coffee breath*
I tell him that I should get my ticket turned into a warning because it's my first one of the year. To which Mr. IDGAF said "It only counts if it's your first ticket ever."
So that's what it feels like when guys get turned down when they ask a pretty girl to dance.
I say "Well..... I also have never heard of a rec permit til yesterday when I got this ticket."
Mr. IDGAF: "Oh."
So that's what it feels like before a murderer commits a crime.
While he is ringing up my $20 of damages, I notice all the pretty little notepads and pens on the desk.
I take them.
'Cause I'm $assy.
Besides, I paid $20 for them.
"One more year"
I feel like I haven't had a problem consuming alcohol since the ripe age of 18 (16 if you know me well enough), so although there is "one more year" left, I will probably still be going to Rowdy Raider when I'm 21. Outrageous.
I mean to update the twenty-year-old blog on April 12th, the actual date of the event, buuuuuut I failed to have time, so then the plan was to update it on Thursday, same story... So now I am between classes on a Tuesday, and have time to whip out a lil blogski.
A little nostalgia...
I remember sophomore year in high school like it was yesterday. Freshmen year feels like it was forty lives ago, but sophomore year was last week. It is so weird that I am a sophomore in college now. Annoyingly enough, this is the only picture I have on my mac of sophomore year. This was the winter formal, Snowball, a huge deal for Carlsbad. Here we have, "The Core" haha. My 4 best friends and I made up a name for ourselves because thats what all the cool kids in movies did. Later groups making fun of us soon developed, drum roll please for the other cool kid groups "hard core" and "soft core." haha. oh high school. I had originally wanted to track down pics of past bdays, but alas, i have none.
can we all pause for 5 seconds and recognize the thigh definition I'm representing? RIP...
In the transfer of valuables from Myspace to Facebook, from Dell to Mac, I seemed to have only wanted to keep memories from Junior and Senior year. I have tons more pictures of those eras.
Here we have a rare action shot of Cope's class, junior year. Please ignore the Hillary Duff bang phase I was going through.
Another tragic bang pic. This was summer... before junior year? I think. Whatever. Still have that shirt. Whatever.
It appears I have only 2 pictures of Junior year. Apparently I only wanted to remember Senior year. Which I would have to say was definitely my favorite year of high school. Being a big Senior in a small town with only one high school is like royalty. Especially if you were an athlete.
Prom with Jordith...
Going all out for Nerd Day, notice the helmet
Cheerleading Banquet with some of the BFFs
National Honors Society Passing the Torch blah blah blah, Andy made himself trip on stage to win a bet, best thing ever.
Take notice of my "kourtney kardashian" outfit, in which I thought it was necessary to wear leather-esque leggings with a plaid dress and studded belt. Soooo appropriate for this occasion... Clearly early signs as to my eventual position at Chrome...
Shaking ass at the Spring Coronation Pep Rally...
One of my first dates with Jake (clearly evident by the awkward new couple pose)... :) Brace yourself for the big shocker, WE ARE STILL TOGETHER :):):O :) i like him :O :) :) :>
A few of my favorite boys ever!!!!!!!!
Cheerleading memories. *Screaming bloody murder, "GO CAVEMEN" to hide the cuss words in the rap songs we danced to*
A little snap shot before we did the legendary CARNIVAL SHOOT!!!!
The senior dance I choreographed. Most bad ass senior dance ever. Often imitated, never equalled. I DONT EVEN FEEL CONCEITED SAYING THAT. IT'S JUST THE TRUTH.
A fun weekend trip to Lubbock. I actually didn't want to go to Tech when I was a senior. But then I applied and ku ku ka chu, here I am AND I LOVE IT. We were eating in the Olive Garden right here.
Enough of Memory Lane. Now I am extremely aware that I am in the hallway of holden hall with about 20 minutes to kill before my advertising writing class.
And when you are a college student with a social life, that is pretty hard to come by.
Everyone, allow me to introduce you to my new best friend, Whitney. Whitney falls in love with a British accent, named Cayden.
Augusta falls in love with their story.
I deleted my facebook.
Before everyone goes into cardiac arrest, I do plan on coming back. The planned time is Friday circa 9 am. Just in time for Monmouth. But....... who knows. Maybe I'll like all the new found free time and productivity I have and leave it deactivated longer. Maybe I'll start having seizures in 10 minutes and have to get it up and running again. But the real deal is I have been feeling unmotivated in school, this week especially, and it doesn't help when my phone constantly buzzes with messages and status comments and wall posts. IT'S SO CONSUMING. DARN YOU MARK ZUCKERBURG. ZUCKERBERG. zuckerbblahblabhlhb.
I'm trying to be responsible. Less facebook=more studying. Maybe I'll even pick up that book I started in January but never found the time to pick up again. YET SOMEHOW I have found multiple minutes for wall posting and frivolous creeping.
To ensure I won't be upping my facebook until Friday, I went to the extremes:
- Removed from my top websites
- Deleted it off my phone
- Developed and electric key board to shock me every time I type in facebook on the search bar.
However my guilty social networking obviously didn't come to a halt. I am a teenager after all (except I won't be able to use that excuse for very much longer). I'm keeping my twitter. WHICH I SUGGEST YOU FOLLOW. Also will continue to blog. Blogging has totes become an important aspect of life lately. Be expecting many a more.
Recently downloaded songs I'm enjoying (forgive the bipolarity):
- Oklahoma girl- Eli young band
- Jam- Kim Kardashian (YES I LIKE THIS SONG. I'M NOT SORRY)
- Someone like you- Adele
- From the start- Brian Burke Band
I'm aware of how much country was in that list. I live in West Texas, it's hard to ignore. Will not be ashamed.
This blog is all about me, and my hair life choices, bleh. So I guess I'm going to keep my hair short and ChOpPpPyYYyY. So I've been googling celebs with short hair and so far these are my two faves. Let's not talk about all the homework I have right now and all the reasons why I shouldn't be blogging. Anyways,...
Let's disregard the color on this chick's pelo. Second thoughts, go big or go bitcha$$, I'll just have to do the color too.
I kind of want to get this hairstyle so people will tell me, "Your hair is uneven." Then I can respond, "Yes. As is my life." BTW, have no idea who this girl is. Poor dear came up on google images (eem-ah-hez).
KEY NOTE--> I think the main thing to remember when choosing a hairstyle is that you still have your face even though you have someone else's hair. Picturing my face on Gweneth's platinum blonde 6ft tall aura is a challenge.
And lastly, if you haven't been keeping up with my sister's blog, it's immensely better than mine. (I know, I know, you are wondering to yourself how that is possible).
Some other mentionable blogs from my franz...
Thoughts from the fanz (please, not everyone at once) on what I should do with my hair would be appresh'd.