The other day at a party, 3 other girls and I were playing an extremely lenient game of Kings. You know, the drunk card game. In the middle of the game, 2 other girls walk in the room and the 4 of us just stop and stare. "I hate skinny girls," was uttered by my friend. The rest of us agreed and cried on the inside. The 2 girls come up to us and want to join in the game...... Sorry there is a weight minimum to play Kings in this house..... They ask if there are some extra chairs somewhere.... Sorry we are out of chairs but there are some shot glasses over there you can turn upside down and sit on if you'd like. ....Then one of my friends (with admirable brave qualities) just straight up says, "I hate y'all. You're so skinny." The fetus girls just giggle tee hee then naturally, just like every other twig, they say "We don't try, we eat whatever we want, tee hee." OF COURSE YOU SAY THAT.
You are not more endearing because you eat more than me and blow away in the Lubbock wind.
So my friend, gotta love her, just says "Bitch." Everyone laughz.
As much as my mom raised me to love myself and taught me to have confidence, it has always been the cool thing to make fat jokes about yourself, and always turn down those once a year skinny compliments. Common phrases that I have heard in just this semester alone:
- "Look at my upper arms.... I'm going to fly to the bar tonight instead of drive."
- "I don't really know that girl, but I like her. We've both gained weight since freshman year, I feel like it bonded us."
- "Please go eat the fudge in the fridge before my thighs do."
- "I just ate a small child."
- "At first I was worried I was pregnant. Turns out I'm just fat. I can't decide which is worse."
- "Tonight I lied to my boyfriend telling him I'm eating soup. Making mac n cheese."
- "Don't let me get drunk enough to want to eat Canes tonight."
- "I just want to go to spoonful and eat my feelings."..."Okay. I'll go eat your feelings too."
Self-fat-jokes. All the cool kids are doing it. And not to sound like Dear Abby, but it really isn't healthy to be so down on ourselves all the time!!! (Not that I'm going to stop) After telling yourself your a beached whale for so long, when does the line between jokes and actual thoughts become too fuzzy? (Still going to refer to self as oversized aquatic mammals). It's not even that we are fat, or chubby, or overweight, or fluffy, in fact most of us who criticize our bodies have healthy normal weight bodies (normal college weight anyway), so why are we so harsh on ourselves? Why do we let ourselves be our own worst enemies??? RIDDLE ME THAT.
Ok I'm done being cheesy. But just a note-to-self for all you fat-talkers, remember this: when you fat trash yourself in a mild to moderately crowded setting, there is most likely going to be a bigger person than you there. And they are going to kill their selves when they go home. Just remember that.
Some other thoughts I have on this subject: Recently a kind sweet lying soul told me that guys like girls with curves. Mhm. I guess that is why 15 year olds go through body dismorphic disorder: Because they want to look like Nikki Blonsky. Because I don't know about you trannies, but she is exactly what I'm aiming for when I kill myself on the treadmill.
Camera man: "WAIT, NO! SOMEONE TELL HER SHE CAN'T EAT THAT!"
So to all my skinny frenz, I still love you. Just not as much as I would if you were fat.
To all my fat friends, I still love you. Just not as much when you eat off my plate.
To end this blog, I'd like to leave a little som'n som'n for those of you who are eating donuts at 2 in the morning while you read this. Here you are.
Oh, and I'd also like to just leave a home video from when I was little.
PeAcE, L<3vE, & CuPpPpPCaAaAkKeZzZ~'`\|/'`~*~*~~'`\|/'`<3<3~*~*~~'`\|/'`