"Do you know why I'm pulling you over mam?"
*scene from LIARLIAR runs through my mind, where Fletcher gets pulled over after breaking a multitude of laws and he repeats each violation in order with enthusiasm. I mentally quote this.*
A few other things I want to say run through my mind.....DO YOU KNOW WHO MY BOYFRIEND IS???? THE EXECUTIVE COFFEE MAKER AND PAPER SHREDDER IN THE LAND OF ENCHANTMENT. THEY CALL HIM THE ENCHANTED ERRAND RUNNER, ARE YOU SURE YOU WANT TO PISS HIS GIRLFRIEND OFF????
and then i notice his teeth and consider asking when his last appointment was and pondering the option of bargaining a free pass if i get him a free appointment with my mom the hygenist.... anyways...
"No sir I don't"
"Well see you were going 89 in a 70"
P.S., if the cop is in front of you, circa 30 miles, they can still detect that you were going 90 even if you slow down to 71 when they are in sight. thank you technology you backstabber.
"Oh. .. that....."
IN MY DEFENSE: it is a little hard to feel how fast you're actually going when you are on top of a mountain. I couldve sworn I was only flooring to 60 mph whtvr.
"Imma need to see your registration and license mam."
IMMA NEED TO SEE YOUR MOLARS. Thank God that I told my daddy that very day that his registration had expired and he replaced it that. very. day. phew.
In his molars' defense, he only took about 10 minutes to write me a ticket, as opposed to the fuzz in cbad that like to pull you over for 30 minutes on the side of 8th street after school where the entire student body drives by sees you honks yells laughs and makes you late for dance practice awesome whatever. dont be mad i said that , jake. (Jake thinks he's a widdle coppy poo)
So I was in Brownfield, and it was just like.... really? I'm four feet away from Lubbock, a $210 dollar ticket isn't appreciated MR. OFFICER C. MOERS. .....mr. officer constipated molars.....
"Just doing it for your safety, mam."
WELL THATS FUNNY BECAUSE WHEN MY PARENTS FIND OUT MY SAFETY IS NO LONGER. and i am 19, i am hardly qualified to be called mam, sir. Sir ass.
So I baby-crawled 65 mph back to lubbock and it probably took me 7 hours but I am a law follower, a law abiding citizen, Gerard Butler, if you will.Jake will nneeeeevvvveeerrrr speed, though i've tried to make him because of tardiness on my part but he's like "waahh I lose my job if I get a ticket" whatever. Job shmob.
And then I get back in the lbk and I don't have my key or tech ID, IT WAS A FABULOUS NIGHT NEEDLESS TO SAY, not including the quiz due that night that i hadn't studied for, but got an A+ on, just saying, not that I'm like an Asian genius or anything, not saying that at all.
We've all had speeding tickets, or $peeding +!cket$, as Ke$ha would say. But if I was president, living life in the fa$t lane would not be a crime.